I Don't Have Time

I’m taking a class that is going way above my head. So far, I’ve failed every test. I pay attention during class and sometimes my classmates and I get together to talk about the material, but it doesn’t seem to be helping. Every once in a while I’ll do really well on a quiz or a practice test and I get this false sense of hope that I have a grasp on the material. Then the test comes and BAM. F. I’m getting really frustrated.

Our professor has promised all of his students that if we want to do well in his class, we are more than welcome to visit his office and ask questions. He’ll explain the class material to us and help us study for the test. He will even sit down with us during the test and help us work out the problems for as long as it takes... if we ask him.

But you see, even though I am so incredibly frustrated with my failing grade, and even though I will gladly spend hours reviewing course material with my classmates and take furious notes during class, I just have not gotten around to meeting with my professor yet. I know that I should. Sometimes I will have a quick two minute conversation with him in class and I convince myself that that is enough. But deep down I know I should meet with him regularly. It might take some time to understand his way of communicating, and it might be weeks or months before I am able to get my grade up to an A, but surely if I start now it would be absolutely worth it. Right? So what’s my problem?

I don’t have time.

Now for some real life. This semester, it seems that life has hit me with everything it’s got. I’m really struggling. I have so many questions and the answers elude me. All my life I have tried to do what is right even when it is hard. I read my Bible daily. I have deep and meaningful conversations with my friends and with people that I see as spiritually mature. Sometimes I do receive a sense of peace and joy that lasts for a few days. Then something happens and my life gets turned upside down, and suddenly, BAM. I feel like I’m drowning. I’m lost and confused and I don’t know what to do.

Why are you doing this to me, God? I ask. But I don’t ask God. I ask myself. I ask other people. I ask my circumstances. I talk about my problems. I do everything, it seems, except ask God.

God has this policy. He promises that “if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.” Life is tough and confusing. Sometimes it straight up sucks. I’m a limited human being with a tiny pin-hole perspective, but I have access to the One who created all of this and sees the whole picture and knows me even better than I know myself. Seeking Him out will take time and intentionality, but isn’t it worth it? Why don’t I spend hours asking Him the tough questions that no one else can answer? Why don’t I beg Him to give me direction for my life and show me the next steps that I ought to take?

Why don't I have time?